HATE,

everything about my life right now.
for starters, i feel like a used, fat, disgusting mess.
so saturday i went to the pool and looked like a whale. that started my day. then saturday night i went to a party and drank a little which makes me even more bloated. stupid of me, but hey, i'm in high school what do you expect? after the party me and a friend texted a couple people and ended up taking her truck to this placed called "the view" (it's on top of a hill and you can see our whole tiny, piece of shit town from up there). me making bad choices like always thought it would be okay to hook up with this one guy, we're friends and we've hooked up before and no one found out so i figured it would be the same this time. of course not. he told all his fucking friends everything! one of them happened to be the guy i was slightly interested before but it didn't work out because i'm "too shy and awkward" according to him. looking back on it i only hooked up with him to get over liking the other guy.
sunday morning to cheer my friend up myself and another friend took her to denny's and the only thing i'm proud of this weekend is that i didn't eat anything. how sad is that? hah. but last night i drank again too, more stupid shit. so to top off an amazing three day weekend my family fed me meat. i've been a vegetarian for seven years so after eating two bites and realizing there was meat i was throwing up for three hours. oh can't forget this, my "best friend" hooked up with that guy i liked. so cool of her. and now even though i know the entire story and exactly how it happened she is still trying to lie to me.
and here is my only exercise for this weekend:
a hike saturday morning then swimming and walking across my town to get home from a party. wonderful. that burnt maybe a tenth of the calories i've eaten/drank this weekend.
so i am now a fat whore with no true friends. i've been throwing up and cutting again. and i literally want to crawl up in a ball and die. i'm so tired too, i haven't gotten any sleep. but i'm going to go to the park to get some adderall so i can finish my school work and stop eating like a whale. i'll tell you how this week will go. wish me luck.