Tuesday, May 25, 2010

it's been months,

I know.
For starters, i weigh 115 lbs as of five minutes ago.
i eat an average of 900 calories a day, give or take a few of course.
School is more stressful than ever as the year winds down, but i'm looking forward to summer. i can go out and pretend like i'm eating when i'm not.
for a really long time i didn't care about anything, life was really, really bad.
i ate for comfort and fun. i had nothing to do with myself, and i didn't want to do anything even if i had the opportunity.
i'm slowly creeping back into this stage of my life again, and i needed something to help me get out. so what do you think i turned to? haha.
i would love to catch you up on the past six months of my life, but that's not going to happen. so here's what's going on now.
i just fought with two of my closest friends and in the middle of conversation, one of them (who is very much aware of how i feel about my body, she doesn't know what i do, but she knows i'm uncomfortable with myself) decided to tell me "oh and by the way, when you always say you're fat. well you're right! you should really work on it." as if i'm not already in an awful mood. my grades are horrible because i have no motivation anymore, my family honestly hates ( i overheard them discussing/talking shit about me last night), i can't catch a break with guys and i always go for the ass holes, and now i have no friends.
so anyways, i think i'll be posting again. i forgot how much this helps. even if no one is reading it.

1 comment:

  1. I'm reading! ;) And apparently 14 other people are too!
    Ok first off- I'm sorry if you like the girl and all but what a bitch! Calling you fat? Please. 115 is practically nothing, and all that will be gone soon. Ana works fast. No time wasted. Keep up the good work!
    btw about the family thing- well I guess I can understand that but remember that they may talk shit about you but they still love you somewhere inside that nagging, dissatisfied, harsh exterior. My dad hates me most of the time but I know that he loves me sometimes no matter how he treats me. It's family. We gota deal with them.
    I hope things in that department get a little better. I know it can hurt no matter how hard you try to pretend llike it doesn't.

    hang in there!

    Vanilla Finnegan